the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
