Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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