I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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