i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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