Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
