I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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