i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
