so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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