is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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