i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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