no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
