shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
