Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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