i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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