sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
