Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
