Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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