This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
