I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize