so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
