allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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