Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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