WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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