You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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