somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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