based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You've changed since you got that strap on
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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