In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
