that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
