If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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