.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
