apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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