Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
