I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize