he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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