Already got asked if we're dating
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
