the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
BRING THE BAGELS
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
