how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you win again, gameday.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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