He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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