Duck Duck Cougar?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
