i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
