went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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