aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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