I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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