Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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