I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
