I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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