did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
