Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
