Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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