so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
