Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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