The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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