i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
