Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
