Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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