just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
