i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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