I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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