I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
