He is an equal opportunity slut.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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