I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
