matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
