i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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