I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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