I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
