I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
