Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
