she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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