Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
