I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
