dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
