So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
